Although there will be the closest analogy to the unstable chemical reaction. If you allow agents to interact too intensively, there is an explosion. If the interaction is greatly to restrain, the reaction is simply quenched. And only when the right environmental temperature and the concentrations of lead obtained gold.
Following written recommendations is the psychological tools to control the chemical reaction of family relations. Gold, in the end, you are likely to fail, but to overcome the most gross and pernicious errors, we hope, they will help.
Keep in family relations distance
This is the most important rule, from which are derived all the rest of the family.
When a man and a woman enter into new family relationships they have for each other is uncharted territory. They rediscovered each other and enjoy every step taken towards.
Moreover, ultimately, they aim to become one inseparable whole — this is often considered the epitome of the ideal love of family relationships.
But with each step, made closer, of family relations, is leaving the ease and novelty. At first, she exchanged for the sweet opportunity to open up to each other, and it seems a fair exchange. Love the people specifically looking for this feature to be opened — so that the partner you know and accept with all the giblets. They can’t live with myself from the inside, so want someone to come to terms with them from the outside.
At this stage, many family relationships begin to fall apart, because everybody wants to be loved, but few know how to love.
It is impossible to make another person the way he is, if you can’t accept yourself in all its properties and manifestations. But, usually, nobody thinks, and convergence continues.
Because the same self-doubt men and women seek each other to bind. They think, locked in the same cage, they will be able to protect their family relationships. Therefore they want each other to control.
All these questions about time conducted separately, the desire to know everything about each other, striving all the time to be in touch, behind it is a desire to keep their finger on the pulse, just in case.
Thus, uncertainty and inner turmoil partners, pushing them forward, forcing deeper to penetrate and intertwine with each other.
A romantic tale of soul mate, the person who will come in and fill a gaping inner emptiness, is a dream about to hide from their troubles in the arms of another man. Therefore, the convergence to full unity with each other is the essence and Foundation of good family relationships.
I describe all this to show how powerful a force driven by people who joined in loving family relationships, towards each other. And that this trend is the need, first, to learn to overcome.
Meet the people pushing their fears. The fear of being alone, fear of living, fear of our own inner world, fear of responsibility, fear of losing love, fear of losing each other — with continuous fears and anxieties.
In this track family relationships quickly lose their original pure essence and become a way of avoiding the difficulties of life.
But for normal healthy family relationship this mutual penetration is completely unnecessary. Not necessarily to know everything about each other, to get full pleasure of communicating. If you do not bind yourself by oaths in eternal love and loyalty, family relationships do not become lightweight and superficial, on the contrary, they become more honest and sober, and therefore, more comfortable and durable.
To keep a person next no need to put him in a cage — you need to give him freedom.
It is fear of losing a loved one often leads to the loss. All this jealousy, suspicion and desire to put each other on the circuit — that’s what family relationships become heavy and tedious.
But that’s not all. Unrestricted converge has many other negative and dangerous to family-relations consequences.
As soon as there is a feeling that this man belongs to me, so once there is a false sense that I have on this man have any rights as I can from him to demand something that I now have something, and I can put him in the guilt of the failure of the hanged obligations.
From that moment partners start each against each other impudent start mutual manipulation, resentment and whims. From family relations gradually takes care, tolerance and respect for each other. Now we can shout to each other from the next room — “Hey you there, get me some coffee” and the like.
What man and woman would not allow myself in the first weeks of Dating, becomes appropriate and normal in six months. It may seem that this is the same freedom of expression, which is so valuable in a relationship, but in fact it is the loss of care and loss of all control over himself.
This is the moment where we ought to control myself, but want to be near a loved one can totally relax.
And it’s not about that for saving a family relationship must continue after each other defiantly care as recommended in glossy magazines. Artificial courtship solve nothing and always look forced.
Loss of interest to each other is a consequence of excessive reduction of the distance. It is worth a little outwards to the sides, and the woman again will be a pleasure to dress up for my man and him will be pleased to be gallant (or brazen robber, the taste of ladies).
Family relationships — this game is interesting for its process, not the result.
Many people think that the goal of the game in family relationships is reaching that point when another person can say — “Well everything, now he’s mine.” That is, when you can put a stamp of “mission accomplished — the family relationship is established” and relax.
But as soon as there is a clear certainty, so once the game loses its meaning, family relationships are transformed into a boring routine and then with increasing speed of sliding.