When a child cannot get what you want, it starts to act up, take offense and throw tantrums — thus, it forces parents to obey his feeble will. A small miracle, walking under the table, can make adults dance to their tune.
It is not surprising that the technique of such manipulation is delayed and strengthened in his mind, as the most effective way to succeed.
But as the child Matures. Desires change, changing relationships with the world and other people, but the technique of manipulating only honed. Even where one would simply ask, in the course now comes the heavy artillery — the pressure on the pity, conscience, sense of duty, pride — just to avoid refusal and long explanations.
Manipulation is a way to get what you want from other people without having to bear for it any responsibility.
To request more difficult is because you need to take it upon myself to clearly Express their desire, and to engage in reciprocal commitments, which both want to avoid. So they find hints, sighs, resentful or frustrated, view — all, anything near the man HIMSELF wanted to do the thing that I want from him.
Although it seems harmless manipulation, they are, in fact, extremely difficult family relationships. Any manipulation is deception and self-deception. While any such dishonesty is the shortest way to the destruction of family relationships.
Yes, any person can find the chord for which it can pull. But why? Don’t want to get rejected? But in reality it is not so scary — you never know what we want and not get.
Don’t want to talk about his desire right? And why not to say, why not take a chance?
It’s also not as scary as it seems. Don’t want to be due for the fulfillment of his desires? But isn’t that true? And is it such a big problem to fulfill the desire of a loved one?
Why do we need all these games, if everything can be negotiated? It is clear that so once to lay all the cards on the table, I’m afraid — to be naked before another person in their desires and tastes terrible.
So what, all his life and hide? Why not start slowly talking about their passions out in the open because the only way to truly satisfy the desires and move on. Why do we need mutual trust, if not to use it and not to develop?
How many ordinary families resentment because of these stupid fears and bashfulness — “Oh, you can’t hear me and don’t understand!” — So maybe you need to sit down and calmly explain everything, and not wait that the person that you in General don’t have to, will understand the intricacies of your conflicting desires?
Learn to speak about their desires as simple as possible and straight.
No need to beat around the Bush — tell me about your desire honestly and openly. Yes, you sometimes need a drop of courage and a willingness likewise to meet a friend, when he asks — so what?
Adults and live — they agree. Are not traded and do not count the cost of each service, but do not hesitate to ask and do not stop to fulfill other people’s desires.
Family relationship will only become easier. The ability to ask and the willingness to meet each other in the fulfillment of desires, make communication easy and stress free.
Why wait when the gentleman deigns to guess to give you flowers, if you ask about it? He and most of the joy will be to please you.
Why quietly hope that girlfriend will read your innocent erotic fantasies, if you can say right? And she will be pleased that you see her as an attractive woman.
There is a limit — not every desire is appropriate and not every desire can be attained, but because we are adults — we can negotiate. The courage and learn how to play in the open. Stop kidding around and to manipulate each other.
The simpler you can talk about your desires, the more likely you are implementing them, and the more open, joyful and long-lasting will your family relationships. Go for it.